I am characterless

I am born and brought up in a culture that cares a lot about the character of a woman.  I have researched this for some time and i have a set of case studies to present and you may very well relate to these.

Case study 1:  Mrs Gupta, a small town Aunty to her kitty party friends - “Sharma Ji’s daughter is roaming around with some boy. He drops her to home after coaching classes. I always knew this girl is a loose character.”

Untold Truth:  Back in her 20s, Mrs. Gupta (then Miss Shalini) had a crush on a boy in her college and they used to bunk classes and watch movies in “Prithvi Theater”. The lovers knew that their families would never agree to this relationship and so this always remained an untold love story (there were no hidden cameras in those days). Years later, Miss Shalini married Mr. Prabhakar Gupta and became Mrs Gupta. Now, she is a self-proclaimed character certification officer in her neighbourhood.

Case study 2:  Mr Adarsh  is a perfect son.  He would marry a girl of her mother’s choice. He starts talking to a girl for arrange marriage. One of the questions asked by Mr. Adarsh in a personal interview for the position of wife -  “Have you ever had a boyfriend?” The honest girl replies with a “Yes”.  Mr Adarsh rejects her. He goes to his mom and says “I cannot marry this girl. She is characterless.” 

Untold Truth:  Mr. Adarsh is an NRI software engineer who earns in dollars. Back in his engineering days, he was an avid watcher of porn. He had a huge collection of adult movies and he was proud owner of a hidden porn server in his college.  So far, his profile has 3 short term relationships and a mid-term, 2 years of “casual dating” with a colleague at work. When he first got a chance to visit “
the US of A” on an onsite project, he got addicted to visiting strip clubs and found US to be a land where he could fulfil all his fantasies and attain “Niravana” through a limitless and uncontrolled execution of life. Such unbounded nature of life was a true spiritual liberation for him. But now, when he has to get married, he must marry a chaste woman, a virgin goddess, a girl with ‘samskaras’ who believes in Indian culture.  She must pass an intense character certification test for a profile as dignified and honourable as his wife.

   

Case study 3:  Mr.  RamaGunda Swamy is a self-proclaimed protector of Indian culture. He believes that the influence of western culture is a big threat to our centuries old civilization.  He, with his men often acts as parallel police and raids bars and public gardens to catch hold of lovers.  If they get hold of women who drink alcohol or wear less (in their words, provocative clothes), they act strongly by assaulting these women.  “These characterless women must be punished to protect our culture”, is their argument.

Untold Truth:   Mr RamGunda Swamy was an expert eve-teaser in his college days. In the eve-teaser’s community, his name is still taken in highest regard. He had a record of not sparing even a single girl in his college or neighbourhood back in his days.  One fine day, when his hormones settled down and he attained self-realization, he started thinking about the Indian culture that regards all women at par with mother and sister. So, he inspired the youngsters and created an army (sena) to protect this national identity. It’s a compulsion that he has to assault women for a bigger cause.

Case study 4:  Mr. Raju is very fond of expressing his opinion on social networking sites and other online public forums.  Whenever, he watches a video like Sunny Leone in Jism or Rekha in Kamasutra or some bold scene of an Indian actress, it disturbs him to the extent of causing some psychological imbalance. Immediately he expresses his opinion. “Such a characterless whore! Why does she have to defame our culture?”

Untold Truth:  Mr Raju has a genuine curiosity about women in body business. As part of his experiments and attempts to demystify this aspect of life, he has often been to women in this profession. In other words, he is often Devdas to a Paro. In fact, a significant amount of his salary is spent in these experiments. That’s why; he claims to know a characterless woman better than anyone else.

There are numerous such examples and you only have to look around to find them.  Giving character certificate to a woman is a very common practice in this country. And once a question about her character is well-raised, a comment or abuse or even sexual assault is justified by a self-proclaimed certifier.

There is a lot of anger and pain in the air due to the recent inhuman incident that has happened in Delhi.  Lot of people want death penalty for assaulters. A lot of us want them be stoned in public in a Taliban like manner.  This horrendous act is something that definitely leads us to think. But unfortunately, all this thinking is outward.  Next time, when you feel like giving character certificate to a woman, please ask yourself a question, “Am I someone of such high character, a pure soul, that I can give a character certificate to someone else?”

And if everyone is fallible like you and me, why have this business of judging the character of others? Stop this character nonsense. Because of this societal perception, a rape victim in India suffers more than anywhere else. She feels more dishonored than needed when it’s not her fault.

To hell with this hypocrisy.  I AM as CHARACTERLESS as anyone else in this world. And I am not good enough to hold myself higher than anyone in this world in terms of character.  I can only quote Kabirdas,

“Bura jo dekhan main chala, bura na milya koi,

Jo mann dekha aapna, mujh sa bura na koi”